The Psychology Behind Netflix’s Dark Fantasy Series "YOU"

"YOU" is a psychological thriller series on Netflix that follows Joe Goldberg, a dangerously charming and obsessive man who goes to extreme measures to insert himself into the lives of those he is mesmerized by using tactics such as manipulation, abuse, and even murder. However, the show also does create an attraction towards Joe perpetuating the phenomenon of cognitive dissonance with its viewers. It depicts the reality of cognitive dissonance many people experience in situations when dealing with an unsafe and even dangerous man like Joe Goldberg.

It’s about how trauma can disguise danger as devotion - and how predators can use their charm and your empathy as their weapon.

Actor Penn Badgley as Joe Goldberg in "YOU"

What is cognitive dissonance?

It is the mental discomfort or inner tension you feel when you hold two conflicting beliefs, values, or emotions at the same time or when your actions don’t align with your beliefs. Your brain struggles to make sense of the contradiction, so it tries to reduce the discomfort by rationalizing, minimizing, or denying the truth.

“The fantasy of a man like you is how we cope with the reality of a man like you.” - Brontë/Louise (season 5, episode 10, YOU)

This is a perfect quote to depict the phenomena of cognitive dissonance. Survivors of abuse often tell themselves opposing narratives to manage the cognitive dissonance, focus on the abuser's potential to be "good" or "safe" and hold onto this fantasy instead because accepting the truth can be frightening for their brain to process .

“Since we met, you have been erasing me. My intuition, my compass, my self.”- Brontë/Louise (season 5, episode 10, YOU)

It is common for people to lose themselves to the illusion of love with a person who seems to understand them not realizing that the person is really just studying them, mirroring them, and hollowing them out to fit their own narrative. Joe isn’t just a character. He’s a metaphor for how many people internalize danger as devotion. His confidence and charm isn’t romantic, it’s psychological warfare wrapped in a love story. He’s a mirror of real-world manipulation. The kind that wears empathy like a mask, and calls possession “protection.”

Unfortunately, the monster many people believe they can “heal” isn’t love.

It’s just a trauma response to protect your brain from pain and to make sense as to why you might still love that person. It’s how we turn pain into poetry.

Stay safe and always look at the facts not the fantasy!

National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233