THE PANJABI ABUSE AND ALCOHOLISM CRISIS

PB
Apr 2
3 min read

Updated: 6 days ago

I've been wondering why many Panjabi marriages are slowly becoming more interracial or having high cases of divorce. I thought maybe it was just a shift toward new age progressive values. Until I witnessed a majority of my Panjabi female clients and friends who are married to Panjabi men often being forced to tolerate or leaving their marriages due to abusive, alcoholic husbands and toxic in-laws. I finally understood the shift towards interracial marriages and divorces. Many of these women (including myself) have held onto the hope that if we just loved the men from our lineage hard enough, supported enough, and endured enough, he would heal for himself and for us. Unfortunately, many of these women stay due to duty, reputation, pressure from family, in-laws condoning their son/brother's behavior and shame since divorce is frowned upon within the culture. Many believe that if they could be patient, if they could just show their husbands a different kind of love than what he had known, he would change. But what many don't see is that trauma cannot be loved away, and the shame and exposure to trauma that has shaped many of these men is stronger than any love you can give them.

Taken from the article: The Unspoken Alcohol Problem Among UK Punjabis

Hazardous and harmful alcohol consumption is estimated to be high among UK‐based Panjabi‐Sikh men at 16–41%. In the United Kingdom (UK), alcohol‐related hospital admissions are markedly higher in Indian men compared with white men. Panjab faces a severe crisis: 2.4 million people struggle with alcohol dependency, 29.3% of South Asian married women experience domestic violence, and Panjab leads India in suicides and drug overdose deaths. The region's history-marked by invasions, Partition, upholding patriarchal values, and political turmoil-has left deep psychological scars, particularly among men. Generational trauma, internalized pain, and societal expectations of masculinity fuel cycles of addiction and abuse.

WE HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM.

Shame is ingrained in Panjabi culture, shaping parenting, relationships, and self-worth. Unlike guilt, which arises from a sense of having done something wrong, shame attacks a person’s core identity, making them feel inherently flawed or inadequate. Most South Asian children are raised in strict, authoritarian households where emotions are suppressed, enabling children to learn how to lie, not be their authentic selves, experience emotional repression, and identity struggles. Without healthy outlets, this pain often manifests as addiction, aggression, and control in relationships.

In many South Asian households, men are expected to be strong, resilient providers, and any expression of vulnerability is equated with weakness. This suppression of emotional expression leads to addiction as a coping mechanism. Ultimately, many Panjabi men are victims of a system that values shame over healing, appearance over authenticity, and suppression over expression. Breaking these cycles requires cultural change-where vulnerability is embraced, therapy is encouraged, and children are raised with compassion, acceptance, open dialogue and understanding rather than shame and fear. Healing requires a cultural shift, one where vulnerability is no longer seen as a threat, where therapy and emotional intelligence are encouraged, and where children are raised with compassion rather than fear of “what will others think” instilled into them from their families.

Not ALL Panjabi men are addicts and abusers but a high number of them are. To Panjabi men carrying the weight of generational trauma: Please seek help. We see you, we want you to heal, and we NEED you to heal. 🙏🏽

With love,

A Kaur woman ♥️

If you are experiencing abuse and need immediate help and safety please utilize these resources: