Being Okay With Being ALONE Is Not Always a Flex

We live in a time where the loudest self-help voices urge us to be alone.

“Heal by yourself.”

“You don’t need anyone.”

“Be your own everything.”

“If you’re not happy alone, you won’t be happy in a relationship.”

This hyper-individualistic agenda has become the modern gospel of growth. Instagram therapists, pop-spirituality accounts, and even wellness gurus repeat the mantra: “You must be whole alone before you can be whole with someone else.”

But what if this isn’t the truth?

What if it’s a distortion of healing that’s deeply out of alignment with who we really are and where we come from?

Our Ancestors Were Never Alone

Across the world, human beings evolved in tribes, villages, extended families. Our ancestors lived in community. They raised children together. Cooked together. Grieved together. Celebrated together. Elders were not isolated in homes, and young adults didn’t suffer silently in apartments they could barely afford. The very idea of healing in isolation would’ve been unfathomable to them.

In collectivist cultures (like Asian, Latin American, Middle Eastern and African cultures) selfhood was shaped by the group. Belonging was safety. Family was identity. Partnership was a shared responsibility, not an individual milestone.

So why are we now being told that our liberation depends on how well we can stand alone?

Capitalism Sells Separation

The obsession with “I don’t need anyone” isn’t enlightenment. It’s economics.

It’s easier to market products to disconnected individuals than to united communities. One person living alone pays more rent. One person ordering takeout every night fuels a delivery economy. One person shopping alone, healing alone, or working overtime to “be their own provider” is incredibly profitable.

Capitalism thrives on broken bonds.

And loneliness is great for business.

Even dating apps (which claim to help people connect) often function more like marketplaces of attention and monthly payments than spaces of meaningful community. Swipe culture doesn’t encourage commitment. It encourages consumption.

Meanwhile, our society offers no discounts for being in loving partnerships, raising children with extended family, or housing elders under one roof. There’s no “community tax break.” But there is an entire industry of subscription services for people living isolated lives.

The Healing Is In Connection

Yes, boundaries are important. Yes, solitude can be sacred. But let’s not confuse isolation with independence.

We are wired for love.

We are built for belonging.

Healing doesn’t always happen in isolation, it often happens in partnership. In the way someone holds our grief. In the friend who reminds us we’re not broken. In the lover who sees the parts of us we’ve buried. In the community that reflects our worth when we forget it.

We don’t have to romanticize loneliness just because our culture commodifies connection.

You are not weak for craving partnership.

You are not broken for needing your people.

And you are not failing at healing because your heart longs for love.

Reclaiming Our Collective Roots

It’s time we remember that interdependence isn’t regression, it’s ancient wisdom.

It’s time we stop worshiping the idea of the self-sufficient, emotionally detached loner.

That person is not healed. They’re surviving in a system that rewards disconnection.

What we should be longing for is sacred community.

Family in every form.

Partnerships that challenge and hold us.

Spaces that remind us that we are not meant to do this alone.

Healing isn’t always about walking away. Sometimes, it’s about learning how to stay with each other.

So stop glorifying aloneness as the goal. It was never meant to be the destination. Connection is the medicine we’ve forgotten.