The Psychology Behind Hulu’s Toxic Romance Series “TELL ME LIES”

Hulu’s, Tell Me Lies, isn’t just a messy college romance. It’s a study in how emotional abuse actually looks, how charm and cruelty coexist, how good intelligent people get trapped in harmful dynamics and how deeply the nervous system can confuse chaos for love.

If you’ve watched it you probably found yourself asking the same questions over and over again:

“Why is Stephen extremely cruel to Lucy, but not nearly as overtly abusive with Diana?”

“Why does someone continue staying with an abuser?”

So let’s break this down from a psychoanalytical perspective:

Not All Partners Get the Same Version of a Person

Yes, Stephen cheats on Diana and consistently lies to her. But what he does to Lucy feels sadistically different. More personal and psychological. That difference isn’t accidental. It’s actually a very accurate portrayal of how narcissistic personalities work in real life.

One of the hardest truths to accept after an abusive relationship is this:

The same person can treat each partner very differently. This doesn’t mean one partner is better, stronger, or more worthy. It just means the dynamic is different.

Abusive and emotionally manipulative people don’t behave based on love or morals, they operate based on where they:

• feel powerful

• feel exposed

• feel threatened

• can regulate their own inner chaos

Stephen doesn’t become cruel at random. He becomes cruel where it works and where it protects him from himself.

Diana Is “Useful” Lucy Is “Dangerous”

Diana represents:

• Status

• Stability

• A good image

• A socially acceptable life

• A version of Stephen that looks respectable

She is part of the identity he wants to project.

Lucy represents something much more threatening:

• Emotional intimacy

• Truth

• A mirror

• The parts of himself he doesn’t want to face

• Shame

  
  

Lucy sees him. Not perfectly, not fully, but enough to make him uncomfortable. And for people with issues like Stephen, being seen doesn’t feel like connection, it feels like danger.

Shame Is the Real Trigger

Stephen’s cruelty isn’t actually about Lucy. It’s about what Lucy activates in him:

• Guilt

• Shame

• Fear of being bad, broken, or unlovable

• Fear of being exposed

Lucy is his mirror and Stephen hates who he sees. So instead of feeling these emotions, he projects them into her nervous system by confusing her, gaslighting her, withholding love/affection and over destabilizes her. Because if she feels “crazy, needy, and small”… he doesn’t have to.

So Why Does Lucy Stay?

Because of the trauma bond. Typically victims of abuse have nervous systems that get addicted to:

• The highs after the lows

• The relief after the pain

• The moments of closeness after withdrawal

The bond isn’t built on safety. It’s built on intermittent reinforcement.

The Twisted Reality

The person someone is most abusive to is often the person they feel most emotionally exposed with, not the person they care least about.

That doesn’t make it love.

It makes it unhealed, unsafe, and destructive.

For survivors of abuse: You were not targeted because you were not enough. You were close enough to matter and that terrified someone who never learned how to be emotionally safe. And always remember, intensity is NOT intimacy.